Dealing with barrier before a test.

Today, the day that marks the end of SWEN provided i pass, of cause.

studying, totally not seriously, because i can't concentrate. yesterday, studied one round of all notes, breifly. today, read on objectives of all lecture notes. and i got distracted. distracted by the event, as spammed on tagboard, not by the person*. so, i went to see a few blogs. Saw a blog with a new blogskin, saw yy happy valentine's post and a joke of a day and also visited fiona's blog.

*Sorry, Sharon. although you suggested to me that, to forget a person, i must not care if she online, if she sms ms, if she talks to me, not to care what she blogged. i visited...i felt that i need to face this problem, somehow.

surprisingly, my heart don't sink when i saw this happy couple in fiona's blog. than, i remembered why am i not angry with fiona, why am i mad of someone...

i once said that 'what kind of man, cannot forgive a girl's wrong doing?'. than, today i ask, 'do a man, worth being called a man, when he cannot even forgive his good friend?'...should i put this line into my life? should i be blaming myself for not being forgiving or should i lessen my burden by continue blaming him? in this complicated situation, can i even explain to someone to ask for help? like i had sent an email, i am on a course to recovery. but, if this barrier that stops me from trusting a friend exist, will there be a day, where i can forgive him and trust others?

zzz. i got so distracted by these things while i got a test 3 hours later. an report to hand in by 14 hours. research and development to do within 14 hours as well.

hmm...now, now. people normally blogs at night and end their post by going to sleep. how should i end this post? great...another stupid question stands in my path...

O well, i guess i will go to school earlier to stop thinking about the barrier. (Laugh) running away from facts, eh? maybe that's what i can do for now...